puppygirlcity: (Default)
the way trans people who are not transfem talk about us and group us in as being "male" and like just use amab and afab as a replacement for male and female and like just talk about us like we are an after thought idk

like even friends i have will still do this and i dont feel safe trying to push back against it

like one time the discussion of mens nipples came up and this resulted in "at least afab nips are cute" and then just as an afterthought "Transfem nips are cute too" but this was followed up by "I wish i was transfem" by a tme trans person and like no you fucking dont?

it feels very fetishistic and makes me feel really bad like our bodies are third sexed and elements that make us dysphoric are fetishized by tme trans people because they want a penis or facial hair or any other elements of our bodies that serve to other and third sex us so we are fetishized by other non transfem trans people who refuse to listen to our actual voices and its disgusting
puppygirlcity: (Default)
i neeever want to fucking date anyone else but other transfems like UGH sometimes i flirt with nonbinary people who are tme but for it to be serious they have to be TMA like!!!!

i know everyone can be flawed and stuff but for my sisters it feels so worth it to put more work in!!!! some girls wont be compatible with me for various reasons but lots will be!

anyway ive never felt like SEEN by anyone but my transfem sisters and siblings? once it clicks it clicks and and and other trans girls are so so cute wahhhhhh

sometimes i have friends who have bad relationships with like cis women or cis men or or or like okay just people who aren't transfem and of course im supportive and i dont tell them this but in my head im like, date, a trans girl, especially if the friend themselves is TMA?
puppygirlcity: (Default)
I was extremely worried but after nine days she is alive she messaged me and im so relieved and like after a decade of experiencing very intense relationships where they eventually leave i get to experience what its like when someone comes back and it feels extremely good.
puppygirlcity: (Default)
i love her and i thhink shes maybe dead and i love her and i know she was in love with me and i was in love with her and i think shes dead so thats very upsetting

animals

Nov. 6th, 2024 06:18 pm
puppygirlcity: (Default)
thinking about how animals are treated in our world and its very upsetting not just like wildlife and stuff and climate change but the domesticated animals, especially the ones that we kill : ( its very upsetting.

egg

Nov. 3rd, 2024 04:30 pm
puppygirlcity: (Default)
shout out to my friend who was strongly trying to crack an egg and kept telling me about it i dont even know if i would be doing that

it turned out that this person probably isn't trans or maybe has to figure out later buuuut like, awesome.

its like my friend saw all the stuff i was posting abt egg things and just went to TOWN idk
puppygirlcity: (Default)
stone tops are like the dreaaaam for me i think like, thats the dreammmm idk, im a pillow princess and i like, imagining that being not just like tolerated or whatever but desired like im the thing that is desired sounds amazing the way i function sexually is the thing thats desired

skittish

Nov. 3rd, 2024 12:29 pm
puppygirlcity: (Default)
trying to accept the reality of how i act which is just kinda skittish i guess i get all isolationy and thats not very good but i also act kinda skittish which idk i cant rly help
puppygirlcity: (Default)
something clicked for me that like socialization in terms of male and female socialization doesn't exist

i was treating it as something i had to prove i didnt experience andn that i actually experienced "female socialization"

when those are terf concepts that are stupid

and theres like just, socialization in general as a concept without creating that stupid binary anything so i am letting go of legitimizing those concepts in my brain like yea i was socialized in a unique way and everyone is and it keeps happening throughout ones life and trans women have different experiences growing up as kids compared to cis men and there might be some shared experiences across everyone trans women have shared experiences with cis men and trans men and cis women because kids have shared experiences with other kids

but the equating trans men experience with cis women and trans womens with cis mens is bad and just starts creeping back into the whole male and female socialization
puppygirlcity: (Default)
gay kids who don't know what being gay is are still gay before they realize!

so i think the same applies to trans women it just gets complicated because gender is like a construct and sex is a construct and some of us are nonbinary or we are women in nontraditional ways like being butch or whatever so we don't know!

but if you are a trans woman or transfem or or or your experience growing up was a transfem experience

transfems are often put into the position of proving our womanhood by describing how we were traumatized pre transition and like those experiences are awful, i think it sucks that are put into this position where we feel like we have to prove we are our genders by describing trauma

but like sometimes it makes me feel like "well i didn't experience some of these things am i not transfem no no because my experience was a transfem experience by virtue of my being transfem, trans women don't have to go through trauma to be ourselves and in a perfect world we wouldn't be traumatized at all and we would still be ourselves

i know that before i knew i was a girl and of course girls who are forced into acting like boys might try to act like how they are told they should! unknowingly unknowingly before we know but that doesn't mean we are boys because we aren't, or at least it doesn't mean we are cis.

if you imagine a cis woman being put into that situation of course she would act different and of course we act different because we are put into this society that threatens us with violence for not acting how we are expected but we are still wwomen and girls and transfems

abuse

Oct. 30th, 2024 10:56 am
puppygirlcity: (Default)
girl i hate my parents and they suck and they are abusive and sometimes idk if some of my friends rly acknowledge thaat idk i want my parents being abusive acknowledged

ace

Oct. 30th, 2024 10:05 am
puppygirlcity: (Default)
i maaaybe dont really want sex anymore i just wana be taken care of i wana cuddle and lots of physical contact and kiss sometimes and be given food and taken care of i just wana be taken caaaaare of and fall asleep curled up next to someoneeee
puppygirlcity: (Default)
upsetting upsetting upsetting its not like i want to feel powerless to say no to things or push back on smth if its upsetting but i can barely communicate that im overstimulated and im always on edge about upsetting others

i create rules in different relationships of things im not supposed to do and eventually they just get more and more constricting til my best option is to just try and be quiet and small so i dont get in trouble so i dont overstimulate anyone so i dont get anyone mad at me

and its very difficult when others might overstimulate me and i dont know how to deal with it and i get angry because i am doing so much to try and be quiet and small and not cause problems and others cause me to feel badly and get overstimulated and want to cry and it gets worse and worse where i get more and more sensitive to things and it becomes an issue of me splitting on people and its awful
puppygirlcity: (Default)
local girl is shocked to learn shes allowed to not want to do oral or hand stuff and still desire sex and also that people will want to have sex with her still

hardline

Oct. 25th, 2024 05:42 am
puppygirlcity: (Default)
i feel such a strong need to be hardline about transmisogyny and sometimes it brings me into conflict i guess

when it comes to it im always going to prioritize the issues of trans women and i don't really care about how this makes cis people feel

im always going to give trans women a lot more room to be wrong or be crass or out of line or whatever like, egg jokes i don't really care about egg jokes

they are elevated to a cardinal sin especially when its about someone potentially being transfem, i think its good for this type of thinking to be injected into the cultural consciousness wherever it can be

the fact that the response to them is always coming up with situations where it wouldn't be okay and that just narrows and narrows to where its never okay

like i dont care i dont care

as a basic politeness i wouldn't encourage making these about someone who has asked them to stop buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut

i dont really care, i think as trans women we have to live in a world where its constantly enforced that we should not be trans woman and its bad its bad dont be a trans woman just be a gnc man just be a man just be a normal man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man

the laser like focus on trans women and how we behave in a world that wants us dead and what if there was the same focus and same outburst on how trans women are treated

but there isn't!!!! its always attacking trans women for anything and everything and no protecting us or helping us and im sick of it i wont be part of the problem

listening

Oct. 24th, 2024 04:03 am
puppygirlcity: (Default)
sometimes i feel like people dont really care what i have to say or maybe maybe idk

i am constantly anxious about not interrupting and listening and sometimes its very hard for me to listen because of stimulation things and i feel very bad about it

but also i feel sometimes like people dont think im very smart or aren't interested in what i have to say and it makes me sad like im smart i know how to do things i wish i would be listened to but also then i just loop around to feeling like i dominate conversations because im autistic and i have so many things i want to say and i just feel bad again
puppygirlcity: (Default)
i am feeling like sometimes my friends doesn't rly understand the like like level of devotion i feel towards them and how it sort of causes a power imbalance

its because im bpd and its not something i can really stop

favorite person type behavior is like something i just have to learn how to navigate and it intersects with everything else going on with me where it just makes me fawn more and more and it makes it really hard to talk about my needs or boundaries

especially if they keep getting not listened to when i try to express them or i keep getting upset idk

i just wish people were more sensitive to it

i fawn extremely badly and its a lot its hard i dont know how to do anything but be conciliatory and people please and i feel like a monster for feeling so strongly about people and acting like this

also like i dont know i mean like i think its very difficult to i mean its scary i have trouble even trying to communicate to people that im doing this because who wants all of that pushed onto them : ( its not like i can stop doing it
puppygirlcity: (Default)
wiith some of my friends it feels like i get put on a pedestal of being attractive or something i get comments abt how i have good fashion sense and everything and i DO iits just that like telling me i could get laid is kind of like girl i dont wana get laid though :'d

and i know im very pretty im very attractive and pretty i just sort of get anxious like if im being put on a pedestal above them or something
puppygirlcity: (Default)
i keep thinking about socialization and how it feels like its mostly just used as a cudgel to hurt me and my fellow transfems and like

sure trans women might learn negative behaviors because of being forced into being a "man" but .... cis women learn negative behaviors!!! everyone learns negative behaviors!!!!

socialization is just being used to paint trans women as ontologically evil for being coercively assigned male at birth because like the same shit isn't aimed at cis men...

im putting up a wall between trans women and cis men and like fucking, of course i am because the world is always telling trans women that we are actually men but we clearly aren't we aren't being treated like men

so like something something cishetero patriarchy enforces gender assignment on everyone and punishes people who diverge from it, especially the people assigned the role of man who break from that because we aren't men

and every "cis man" is a potential trans woman tbh

but i have trouble with the way i think negatively about men, all men of course, but in this case cis men, and the fact that some "men" are actually women!!!

but like fucking, thats the logic that evil mra types use to push the concept of misandry and say that transmisogyny is actually misandry and shit which isn't the case

im thinking about my negative attitude towards "men" and how i worry about that negatively affecting how i view the "men" who aren't men.

and likeeee negative attitudes towards men as a class are justified tbh and it changes how i act around people who i think are men until i know otherwise though i do have okay egg radar

its just impossible to have a conversation about this while theres the constant transmisogyny of "you are a man you are an evil predatory man" even though they do not think we are men they third gender us.
puppygirlcity: (Default)
i have no idea how to change the highlight color and the theme i was using didnt even highlight anything visibly so like i had to fiddle with it and i ended up messing up the theme : (

Profile

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puppygirlcity

July 2025

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About The Girl About The Dog

my name is Canis like the constellation

I can do a really good doggy puppy bark

I am currently 28 years old

Transfem obviously

Butch Sapphic Dyke Lesbian Also im white

This Journal is rated 18+

space for me to bark out my thoughts out 🐶

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